"I wouldn't, either." So maybe they'd bring it up again, sometime. When they were sure, if they ever could be, in Luceti.
The admission actually surprised Prim - her eyebrows rose, and the lowered, as she frowned. They had talked about it, and he had seemed unsure, but... "You've always seemed likable to me. I mean - like I said, about...never giving it thought, that was for anyone. I'd never meant to like anyone until - " She shrugged. Until she was past Reaping age. Maybe. It seemed safer. "I think you're wrong about that, at least. So - yes."
"I've been a shinobi, a soldier, since just before my thirteenth birthday. We have an Academy, kind of like the one Clove and Cato went to, to train us before that. So it didn't seem strange to me when Clove told me she'd had the same kind of training. I've always known I'd grow up fighting for my village and my country. I thought," He shakes his head. "I never realized just how different our worlds are. Not until I heard what Katniss said on the journals last month."
Katniss said a lot on the journals. About the place where they grew up, about her own actions... and about Prim. About Prim's death. He knows Prim was sure to hear it, and that telling her he had too is the same as telling her he knows she's dead in her own world. He won't say it out loud, not right away, and Chouji doesn't want to push the matter if it will hurt Prim.
Then there's the fact that Panem betrayed its citizens. Its children. Asuma's last words on the king they ought to be protecting have always been gripped tighter by Shikamaru than by Chouji, but he still believes them. Panem's children all grew up dreading six years of wondering whether they'd be drawn to die against their will, in defense of nothing and for someone's entertainment. It was never a conscious choice, becoming a shinobi. It was the family legacy. But he did have one, and the country never ordered him to die.
What Katniss had said last month. Prim remembered that, remembered why it had happened - that'd been just after Effie had suggested the Games. And while Prim didn't exactly know where she stood on Effie, she at least could agree that Effie didn't...well, Effie might understand more, now. But she was what she had been born into. Like they were. She understood that much, and she knew Katniss cared for Effie. And she'd known that Katniss was trying to sacrifice any love people had for her. She was used to that impulse, too, a bit. ...But it hadn't just been for Effie, had it? That, back then, had been about Sokka. And about being worthy.
It wasn't hard for Prim to imagine a world at war. She'd been through one. It was harder to imagine a place with shinobi, with the powers she knew existed, than it was to imagine war; but Chouji was right. Their worlds were night and day, in many ways.
Prim grips her mug, wondering which part of it he's trying to bring up. "You thought she meant she was training to be a soldier in a different sort of way. A not-Career way." She says the word like a title, because it is, although she doesn't say it meanly. She didn't like the Careers when they had weapons trained on her sister, when they were locked in an arena together, but - if she could do anything, it was forgive. Or at least to try and find peace. "It's something the richer Districts can do. One and Two, normally. Clove and Cato are both from Two. Masonry. They make weapons. Twelve's coal mining."
Chouji doesn't agree with what Katniss did, but he also doesn't hold it against her. And his immediate response was to assure her that Prim wouldn't either, not in the long run.
"I don't mind being a shinobi. I have my teammates looking out for me, and our Hokage, the village leader, making sure that mission assignments are given with the best chance of survival and success." Chouji can get around to Prim specifically in a minute. While they're speaking about things in the general sense, he might as well say what he thinks.
"I have a choice in the matter. I serve and protect my village. My country uses me, but they didn't force it on me and there's always good reason for it. What Panem was doing to all of you was worse."
"...I never had a chance to think of things like that, growing up. I mean - we all hated it, but no one ever thought there was anything to be done. Until Katniss volunteered. And even then - everyone thought she would..." Prim shook her head, her gaze abstract, looking at the past. "I made her promise to come back. To try."
It had been her only selfish request of her sister, and she'd known it. What trying meant.
"Of course you did. You love your sister." Habit from another life takes over, and Chouji's hand is halfway across the table before he realizes it. He isn't reaching for crackers and cheese, either. Realizing what he's done, his hand twitches as if he's going to pull it away, but he leaves it where it is. Girlfriend or not, Prim is still a friend. He won't rescind the offer of a little bit of physical comfort. She doesn't have to accept, but he'll hold her hand if she wants it.
"I told her you'd forgive her, when I heard what she said."
"There was never anything to forgive." She'd never believe there was. Yes, Katniss had done things, but...
...Prim had always understood. She catches the movement of Chouji's hand, and for a moment, she isn't sure what she'll do - but she reaches out, too. "When she spoke about the 75th games - that was the second time. The second games she was called for - no. Really, those were the first. The first games, the 74th, it wasn't her name they called."
Chouji's grip tightens on her hand as realization dawns. Of course. There was one reason, a completely obvious one, that Katniss would volunteer for the games. They called Prim's name.
While Katniss was gone, Prim had to wait at home. Chouji knows her well enough to know that in addition to the possibility of loss, Prim would have borne a burden of personal responsibility for her sister's fate throughout it all. And Katniss... Katniss went through all of that for Prim's sake, only to lose Prim in the end.
He closes his eyes against the thought for just a second before facing Prim again. "I don't have a sister," Chouji says, tension audible in his voice, "but I can see why you love yours so much." He'd do the same for his teammates without a second thought, and they for him. It's the closest he can come to understanding the strength of the bond between Prim and her sister.
Prim had to smile at that. At how she loved Katniss - because yes, that was true. More than anything else in the world, probably, although her affection for her horrible cat was well-known and inexplicable. Katniss had always been there, always. Until Prim hadn't been.
She doesn't react to the tightened grip - at least, she doesn't seem to. "She probably blames herself. I mean - I know she does, somehow. For my...for what happened to me. After the games. But really, it wasn't her fault."
There's a quiet for a second, as Prim pauses, debating, but... "There was a civil war. More or less. And they needed doctors. As many as they could get. I went to help, I volunteered, and we were on the front lines." She's never said it out loud before now, but she does it anyway. "There were children, and bombs, and we went in to help, but - it was just the first wave. We hadn't known."
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August 13th
The admission actually surprised Prim - her eyebrows rose, and the lowered, as she frowned. They had talked about it, and he had seemed unsure, but... "You've always seemed likable to me. I mean - like I said, about...never giving it thought, that was for anyone. I'd never meant to like anyone until - " She shrugged. Until she was past Reaping age. Maybe. It seemed safer. "I think you're wrong about that, at least. So - yes."
Then a pause to match, glancing up. "Yes?"
August 13th
Katniss said a lot on the journals. About the place where they grew up, about her own actions... and about Prim. About Prim's death. He knows Prim was sure to hear it, and that telling her he had too is the same as telling her he knows she's dead in her own world. He won't say it out loud, not right away, and Chouji doesn't want to push the matter if it will hurt Prim.
Then there's the fact that Panem betrayed its citizens. Its children. Asuma's last words on the king they ought to be protecting have always been gripped tighter by Shikamaru than by Chouji, but he still believes them. Panem's children all grew up dreading six years of wondering whether they'd be drawn to die against their will, in defense of nothing and for someone's entertainment. It was never a conscious choice, becoming a shinobi. It was the family legacy. But he did have one, and the country never ordered him to die.
August 13th
It wasn't hard for Prim to imagine a world at war. She'd been through one. It was harder to imagine a place with shinobi, with the powers she knew existed, than it was to imagine war; but Chouji was right. Their worlds were night and day, in many ways.
Prim grips her mug, wondering which part of it he's trying to bring up. "You thought she meant she was training to be a soldier in a different sort of way. A not-Career way." She says the word like a title, because it is, although she doesn't say it meanly. She didn't like the Careers when they had weapons trained on her sister, when they were locked in an arena together, but - if she could do anything, it was forgive. Or at least to try and find peace. "It's something the richer Districts can do. One and Two, normally. Clove and Cato are both from Two. Masonry. They make weapons. Twelve's coal mining."
August 13th
"I don't mind being a shinobi. I have my teammates looking out for me, and our Hokage, the village leader, making sure that mission assignments are given with the best chance of survival and success." Chouji can get around to Prim specifically in a minute. While they're speaking about things in the general sense, he might as well say what he thinks.
"I have a choice in the matter. I serve and protect my village. My country uses me, but they didn't force it on me and there's always good reason for it. What Panem was doing to all of you was worse."
ugust 13th
It had been her only selfish request of her sister, and she'd known it. What trying meant.
August 13th
"I told her you'd forgive her, when I heard what she said."
August 13th
...Prim had always understood. She catches the movement of Chouji's hand, and for a moment, she isn't sure what she'll do - but she reaches out, too. "When she spoke about the 75th games - that was the second time. The second games she was called for - no. Really, those were the first. The first games, the 74th, it wasn't her name they called."
August 13th
While Katniss was gone, Prim had to wait at home. Chouji knows her well enough to know that in addition to the possibility of loss, Prim would have borne a burden of personal responsibility for her sister's fate throughout it all. And Katniss... Katniss went through all of that for Prim's sake, only to lose Prim in the end.
He closes his eyes against the thought for just a second before facing Prim again. "I don't have a sister," Chouji says, tension audible in his voice, "but I can see why you love yours so much." He'd do the same for his teammates without a second thought, and they for him. It's the closest he can come to understanding the strength of the bond between Prim and her sister.
August 13th
She doesn't react to the tightened grip - at least, she doesn't seem to. "She probably blames herself. I mean - I know she does, somehow. For my...for what happened to me. After the games. But really, it wasn't her fault."
There's a quiet for a second, as Prim pauses, debating, but... "There was a civil war. More or less. And they needed doctors. As many as they could get. I went to help, I volunteered, and we were on the front lines." She's never said it out loud before now, but she does it anyway. "There were children, and bombs, and we went in to help, but - it was just the first wave. We hadn't known."